Pains of Maintenance

So what’s harder: losing weight or keeping it off? My weight has ranged from 141.5 to 147.5 in the last few weeks. Most if the time it’s somewhere around 144-145. I like the way I look best at 143.5 and below. I can’t say it isn’t tempting to try and get to 139.5 just to see 130-something on the scale but everyone keeps saying I don’t need to lose anymore weight. I don’t know. I know staying on top of it is a job. I eat according to my mood. If I’m sad I can’t eat. If I’m angry I want to eat everything and if I’m happy (which is rare) I eat good and stay within my calories. I’ve tried twice to up my calories from 1200 to 1500 or 1700 but I keep eating around 2,100 calories instead. So frustrating…I’ll get it together eventually. As long as I weigh myself everyday I can keep tabs on it when I start missing days my weight creeps up over 145.

I’ve been teaching more than ever. I’m up to ten classes/week, not counting occasional sub jobs. For instance, this week I am teaching 12 classes. I’m so over subbing. It just isn’t the same when it isn’t your class and it just isn’t worth the $20 anymore. I’ve decided to change my class load. More details on that in a later post.

Personally, I’m a complete mess. I’m officially in therapy now. Trying to figure out how start putting my life back together. Right now I don’t really give a damn about anything and it’s starting to permeate to those around me. I feel stuck, lost, and worthless. And it’s apparent that it’s not going to get better anytime soon and not without some serious work on my part. I’m taking 5HTP, St. John’s Wort, and GABA daily just to make it through the day but some days it isn’t strong enough…

To avoid ending my post on a negative note, I want to share my new food love: Vegan 1 Protein Powder. Vegan 1 is made by Nutrition 53, the makers of Lean 1, used by Smoothie King. I like Lean 1 smoothies but they contain sucralose and they are supposed to be gluten free but it’s hard to be completely sure since they just say that they are and the powder isn’t actually labeled that way. Vegan 1 is a gluten free and free of artificial sweeteners. So far I have tried Banana Cream, Chai, and Chocolate. They are all good but the chai and chocolate are especially good. Some days they are more filling than others. Cannot quite figure that out but I highly recommend them 🙂

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